The Buzz--January 1998: New Year's Resolutions for all
Now that the new year is upon us, I have taken on the weighty task of penning New Year's resolutions for prominent personages and corporations germane to the KMWorld universe. I have taken this task on with a minimal amount of malice aforethought and a determination to tread ever so lightly on the line of bad taste.
Good, now I have a methodology.
FileNet: Hey, how come they're always first? Anyway, speaking for new major domo Lee Roberts, I say: "In 1998 I resolve to take all my renegade divisions, toss them with Web dressing, add a lot of spice and then serve the whole lot cold with caviar and croutons."
Documentum: (Here's Larry Warnock with his fingers crossed): "During 1998 I promise only to praise my competitors and never, ever say that they are going out of business because their customers hate them."
Optika Imaging (Representing Optika is CEO Mark Ruport): "Now that I finally have a new VP of marketing, I resolve that in 1998 I will focus my energy on continuing to win little deals while the big guys starve between contracts."
David Skok, CEO, Silverstream Software: "During the new year, I resolve to set up a chat room with Joe Tucci and Don Casey so we can always remember how much fun it was trying to woo Microsoft. I also resolve never, ever to return to the dinky little imaging industry."
Arthur Gingrande, data capture guru and the hardest working man in the document management business: "I, Arthur Gingrande, vow that during 1998 I will cover more ground at trade shows than any 10 other consultants combined and still have the energy to boogie all night."
David Silver, CEO of Kofax (This is David speaking for himself, as opposed to the company): "I resolve in 1998 to remain a nice, unassuming guy who is polite to everybody, holds his salary down and only kicks butt when somebody really needs it."
Tom Koulopoulos, president, Delphi Consulting: "OK, I've had it. I'm changing my name to Tommy Cool. That way, maybe somebody will remember how to spell it."
Bruce Silver, KMWorld columnist and guru to the imaging/document management stars: "In the course of 1998, I intend to work as a consultant for vendors who want to win industry awards. I will work tirelessly in this capacity while charging a day rate that these silly vendors will be happy to pay."
Thornton May, VP, Cambridge Technology Partners: "I resolve that during 1998, I will not make inflammatory statements about any of the zillions of jerks in our industry who would be better off boiling to death in a pot of value stew than continuing to plague us with their tiresome, trivial existences."
Andy Moore, editor in chief, KMWorld: "In 1998, I resolve to found the Andy Moore Institute of Knowledge Permutations, Perturbations and Prefabrications. I further resolve that this mighty institution will never cease in its efforts to take all that is tacit and make it explicit."
B. Hoard, lowly scrivener: "During 1998 I will continue to wear sweat pants and sweat shirts as work garb, no matter how much pressure there is to dress less formally.